Romance (part 3)

“The best thing about loving and being hurt is you get to know what true love is. For as gold is tested in fire so will love be perfected in pain.” I really detest those romantic movies where the man and woman fall in love and then before they see if they can get along with each other something external happens and its over. These movies are shallow portrayals of true love. I like it best portrayed in lasting unions that span a life time and pass the trials.
    We have managed by relying on God to stay together on the roller coaster of life. That is an amazing feat somedays. There were many days we wanted off the ride and many more that we felt dizzy, whiplashed, and nausea from the speed and curves life threw at us.
    After the honeymoon was over I began to have some serious health problems. I had graves disease that effected my whole body. Everything from my heart to my digestion to my metabolism was going to fast. I had to be on drugs and I felt terrible much of the time. It went into remission and then resurfaced after my 3rd pregnancy.
    I was not the only one with serious health problems. Jim had sinus problems. The doctor thought he might have cancer because of two large cysts that showed up on x rays. For a while I thought I might be left alone in the world to fend for myself and 3 babies. He had surgery  which was the beginning of a life of continued health challenges including chronic migraines.
     I had fiber myalgia, chronic fatigue, irritable bowel syndrome, heart problems. I
Along with the mental illness came the physical and spiritual illness. It was no picnic.
We continue to love each other through our ailments. Learning to patiently nurse each other during crisis and day to day pain has made us more compassionate and strengthened our marriage.
     We also had to struggle with making a living. Jim married me when he was 18. By the time  he was 21 we had 3 kids. He got one year of college before we married. He has a sharp mind and was able to teach himself skills that enabled him to support our family. God blessed him with opportunities. He still had to work hard and was working long hours for years. I did not share the responsibility for the income. He was a one man team.
      I stayed home and cared for our 4 children. When they all grew up and moved out, our relationship struggled with the changes typical to couples our age. Jim was always the hero, working hard to rescue the damsel in distress.
       Now after 20 years of working on the distress, it is far better. My health is  improved and I can relax and smile some. I am able to take care of myself, and I have enough energy left to  serve others. Now after so many years of taking care of everyone else it is the hero's turn to learn how to relax and smile some.  We both had childhoods full of difficult memories.
     This was helpful when it comes to understanding each other and hard when it comes to dealing with it all.  I would like to say that we were constant, faithful and never made serious mistakes. But that would not describe what challenges we overcame as we grew to love and trust each other.
     I read in a book that you should never describe your relationship with your mate. Perhaps thats because long term dynamic relationships are always changing. They are impossible to  identify.  Everything will be new tomorrow in any relationship.  Now imagine one with a partner who thinks of herself as a number of different distinct persons.  This is the challenge my partner not only endured but saw through till one personality remains.  That could all change tomorrow.  One thing I can always  count on is true love.  A commitment to stay together and care for each other no matter what is what we have.