Family

     Definition of a family is “ the members of ones household; close relatives; a social unit, such as a tribe: a related group, as of certain plant or animals. The family I was born into was closer to a related group of animals. As in all aspects of my life, the hardships work with the blessings to created my perspective. I really missed not having the love and intimacy that teaches a person how to be a wife, a mother a friend. Incest and abuse destroyed any sense of closeness. I had to mourn and let go of the family I came from. You might not think this would be hard to walk away from. You can't have 20 years of shared experience even if they are negative, without a bond formed. I was taught that loyalty akin to loyalty in a mob was one of the most important things in life. I lived in fear for many years that my decision to leave the safety of the familiar would lead to death or kidnapping of one of my children. So we were way overprotective. I was taught at church what the ideal family was. I saw true love in one of my relatives while I was growing up. My paternal grandmother was my family. She loved and showed me kindness when ever she got the chance. When I ran away, it was to her I went. I know that my life was spared because of her service to me. She nursed me when I was ill and gave me enough love to get by.

      I did not experience the joy of living in a loving environment until I married. My husband is a very loving man. He could feel my needs and supplied me with the love that was missing. He used to say I love you so often it was like a breath between words. I was not used to that but I grew into the idea. Because he was sincere I could believe in his devotion and trust in the commitment he made to be my best friend. I am not sure he knew when he made this promise how hard it would be. He has stayed by me though unmentionable heartache and given me a chance to heal. He continues to be devoted and faithful making the kind of romantic dream love portrayed in society a reality. The next big family win came to me with my precious children. Each one of them has been a light and a love for me. I am thankful that we are as close as we are. I am thankful that they are alive and well. Our family was far from the perfect easy place to grow up in. I appreciate the strength each one of them has and their ability to teach me, support me, and raise me when I know it would have been ideal if I was able to do more of that for them. Serenity comes from acceptance. I am thankful for my sweet family and our growing relationships.

     I was also blessed with a surrogate mother and father. My father came to me as a therapist. He spent 11 years of his life counseling me without pay. He let me talk for 4 hours at a time,

knowing that I could not get focused or past my fear in the first hour. It took that long to dig deep and then repair the wound before I drove back home to face the world. He showed me what a loving father was by sharing his knowledge of how he was a dad to his daughter. He and his wife’s amazing gift continue to bless me and my family. I want to give to others in his name and honor.

    My adopted mother is a lady who did not have children of her own. We met through our husbands who became friends. We vacationed together a couple of years. Her husband died, but our relationship continued. She generously gave of herself, giving our family a second home and an extension. She moved 4 hours from us which allowed us to spend holidays and vacations there. She has been a blessing to us. She has added to the blessings of my husbands extended family who live some distance from us.

     I also belong to a religion that has a focus on the family. They are organized into small enough congratulations to make getting to know people and serve them possible. The church group has greatly blessed my life giving me brothers and sisters to love. It has stepped up to make the challenges of life without the support of the original folks. Another way I have found family is in a 12 step group. This family group is valuable because I can share my life honestly without rejection and fear. There I am allowed to share my spirituality and also the sorrow that is a natural part of sprouting out of dysfunction.

    The supreme gift of family comes to me by way of heaven. God is my Mother and Father. The belonging and love in abundance are what joy is all about. I could not be happy without the love that buoys me up and whispers encouragement hour by hour. I am very blessed!