Romance (part1)

This is the perfect time to consider true love. Our culture is full of the idea that true love is possible. La Rochfoucauld said “ True love is like ghosts which everybody talks about but few have seen.”  I recently promised a dear friend of mine that I would manifest true love in my life. There are days when I think the story of the relationship I have with my husband is already a manifestation of true love. There is so much confusion in our society about romantic love.

     Even the word romance has two different meanings. It can mean fanciful, impractical, unrealistic. Or the opposite, displaying or expressing STRONG love or affection. I will tell you my version of the story and you tell me whether you think I am caught in an extravagant, wild, exaggerated imaginative fantasy or whether we already have true love and will likely live happily ever after.

    My romantic ideas began long before I ever met my man. When I was young I used to dream and obsess over having a friend who shared all my adventures. In my dreams as a child, there was a boy who talked, played and lived with me in my heart. I have always had a belief that I knew my mate before this life. I believe we were a team then and that we spent a long time with each other before we ever came here. He is 3 years younger than me. I felt that those first three years were the most desolate terrible days I lived here without him. During my early teens, around the time I hit puberty, I had an especially devastating year. All that happened in that horrible dark time left me barely hanging on to life. It was then that I had my first conscious contact with Jim. He came to me in spirit and calmed me. He let me know I was not alone and that I was going to be all right. He pleaded with me to wait for a time when we would meet and leave all the wretchedness behind. I did not kill myself because I believed someone real out there loved me and that I could have a happy life with him some day soon. Feeling his presense and knowing of his reality was what got me through. By the time I was in my late teens, the desire to meet him and marry and leave grew ever stronger. I thought according to what I had been taught at church that I would need to be spiritually stable. In order to be worthy for such an experience of true love, I would need to be prepared with moral chastity, a good education, come from a good family, etc... I wanted all those things but had none of them. There was not room in background for those ideal to exist when I met him. When the day came I was just about as confused as I had ever been. I had seen in vision at night what my husband would look like. He was wearing a white t-shirt. He was handsome and muscle bound with dark curly hair and blue eyes. I told my roommate at college about my dream and she assured me that I was not going to get someone like that...

     I had some strange experiences with a boy I met a college. It began on a night when I was determined to meet my future spouse even though he did not happen to even be in the same state at the time. I went to a dance and this boy came up to me and said “I am the one.” I said in disbelief. What do you mean? I was shocked he seemed to know my secret plan. He replied with “you know what I mean, I am the one”. The only thing he had in common with my dream man was his blue eyes. We left the dance, my anxiety skyrocketing, confused at his claim. We did not talk, but instead, looked into each others eyes for over an hour. It was an unsettling starring match.I was looking for Jim. He was not there... We dated and I was decieved about who this boy at school was and his role in my life. I was desperate not to return and live with my parents at home again. I went to New York to work as a goveness. I had become serious with a boy who I fought with constantly. I did not admire or respect him, we were not even friends. My family loved him and he would have been my end if I had not met the real man in time.

    Jim came into my life at the perfect time. He was a friend of my brothers. I wondered how they became friends because they did not have much in common. He just walked into my kitchen on a day when he was picking up my brother. I was home for a visit a few months before I was came home for good. When I saw him, I fell in love instantly. He was all I could think about. I left my job before my contract and ended the other relationship. I begged my brother to call him and hint to him to take me out. He got the hint and came over right away. I was not prepared and looked terrible. He didn't seem to mind and we talked all night long. We always have been able to talk to each other about everything with ease. (part 2 of this story to be continued)